This is not a WoW post, but... since this is my blog I can post whatever I want! Besides, this story will help you get to know me better and perhaps gain some insight as to why I am so twisted! So, sit back, grab a beer and let me tell you about a little thing that happened to me some 20 years ago...
I really love fishing. I always have. As a child, my father would take me out in his little tin boat and we would spend the day on the water. Really good times.
So, as I grew older, I continued fishing and even bought a nice little bass boat after graduating from college. It was the late 1980's and I would pick up my girlfriend after work on Fridays and head to the lake for the weekend. Like most young people, I lived for the weekend!
Living in the midwest, bass fishing was pretty much the only game in town and I pursued it with a passion. While it's not really a "contact" sport, it can sometimes result in injury. You know... the occasional hook puncture or fish spine injury. I've even witnessed people getting knocked out by flying insects while scooting across the lake at 60 mph, but that is another story. This one is gruesome enough!
My significant other (at the time) and I had gone to Stockton Lake in southwest Missouri for a weekend of camping and fishing. Nothing unusual about that, as we often chose Stockton for weekend trips. We spent Saturday fishing for both walleye and bass, but as the evening approached we focused on working topwater lures through flooded cedar trees in one of the creeks that fed the lake. I was throwing a black and white herring bone pattern Zara Spook, one of my favorite topwater plugs.

As the sun began to set, I removed my sunglasses since they were too dark to see through in the waning light. Fishing had been slow and we hadn't caught much the whole day. Working the plug past a cedar trunk, I was rewarded with a monstrous strike! This was a nice bass, about six pounds or so. I pulled the fish to the boat, putting as much pressure on the line as I felt I could. I didn't want this bass to make it down into all those branches beneath the surface! I nearly had the fish to the boat and had cleared the cedar tree when the plug suddenly came unfastened from the fish's mouth. The severe bend in the graphite rod, combined with the stretch in the monofilament line created a basic slingshot that hurled the lure directly into my face at approximately the speed of sound!
I had no time to react and felt the impact of the plug across my right eye. My vision blurred, then everything turned red. I was a little stunned, but shook my head hoping to clear the cobwebs. They didn't clear and I soon realized I had a Zara Spook attached to my face! I shook my head again while looking down, hoping it would fall free. It did not. I then tried gently pulling on the body of the plug, but my upper eyelid went with it. I glanced at my girlfriend and, based on her stunned and ashen look, realized I might have a problem. She looked as if she were about to pass out... and I was the one with the new "jewelry/piercing"! I was strangely calm and explained to her that she needed to keep it together as I was counting on her now. With a panic stricken look, she asked "What do I do?"
There was another boat fishing the same creek. I asked her to yell at them for help. She did, and it took a few moments for them to respond... "yeah, what do you need"?
"He has a hook in his eye!"
"Oh god... we'll be right there."
We were rescued by another kind couple. They approached our boat and I asked if they had any hook cutters. I really wanted to get this plug off my face. Sadly, though they said they often do have cutters, they did not have them with them now. They spent a moment examining the mess and quickly suggested that they pilot my boat back to the dock while I lay on the floor trying not to move.
Now, I have been on some very unpleasant boat rides... 32 hour trips home from offshore through 6 to 10 foot seas. In comparison, they weren't so bad as this one. Even though the water was relatively calm, and the distance short, riding in a small boat with a 6-inch plug with dual treble hooks embedded in your eye is not something I suggest anyone try. You can't really see anything and to say it felt like I had "something in my eye" would be an understatement.
A small crowd gathered at the dock after we arrived. Our rescuers helped guide me into the back of their SUV. One man in the crowd stepped forward saying "I'm a dentist. I can help". Really? Forgive me doc, but this problem is about two inches, two very important inches, north of your specialty. I laid back as he examined me, and have to say that the look on his face was not a confidence builder. "I can't do anything with this" he said, and he slunk back into the crowd.
We were headed to the emergency room, a place I have since become more intimately familiar with than anyone really should be. The closest was a small town called "Butler" (I believe). By the time I walked into the ER, I had been holding that damn plug against my face for about 2 hours. The admitting nurse took one look at me, turned pale and said "You will be next!"

I gave her my insurance card and she turned me over to a strapping young fellow who looked very competent, though a little young to be a doctor. He guided me onto the exam table and told me that the doctor would be right in. I was feeling a little better, now that I had made it to the ER. I would soon be fixed up good as new, right? As I lay there on the table, I saw the doctor as he entered the room.

There is a character actor that played in a lot of westerns in the 1960s and 70s. I don't know his name, but he essentially played the same role in all of them. Very scruffy and bearded with one eye always squinted, the other one just... wild. Usually played a drunk. Well, that's who had just walked in the door wearing scrubs and a stethoscope. "Hmmmmm", he grunted, "ain't seen nothing like this before". My confidence was plummeting to all time lows. "Looks like we are gonna' have to push that hook all the way through". Not words you want to hear when said hook is in your eye! Actually, you never want to hear those words, but through your eye? I mean, seriously... through my
eye!??
I must have looked a little panicked and I have to admit, I probably wasn't wearing my best poker face. The doctor explained that the hook was not actually in my eye, but in my eyelid and embedded under the orbital brow. I can't claim to know what an "orbital brow" is, but I had a real good idea of where he meant. He went on to explain that they would numb the area, pull the hook out from under the bone and push it through the fleshy area above my eyelid so they could cut off the barb and remove the hook. I wasn't real enthused about this plan, but couldn't come up with any alternatives.

The doctor produced a hypodermic that was a foot long and a half-inch in diameter, or at least looked that way with my currently impaired vision. "This may sting a bit", he offered as he began stabbing me with this barbaric implement of torture just below my eyebrow and (thankfully) above my eye. I was ready to confess to the assassination of Kennedy, Lee Harvey Oswald AND Lincoln.
Jack Bauer had nothing on this dude. Eventually, he got bored (or satisfied) with his efforts and promised to return in a few minutes after the anesthetic had time to take effect. I remain unconvinced that he was using anesthetic. Formaldehyde, perhaps, but not anesthetic. I thought my right eye was about to burst into flames and the left one was rolling around in sympathy. Now blinded, escape was simply impossible.
All too soon,
Doctor Mengele returned with, I swear to God, the smallest pair of wire cutters I have ever seen in my life. I mean, they virtually disappeared into that paw he used for a hand. He grabbed hold of the base of the embedded treble hook and began twisting it savagely... at least from my point of view. The sharp hook point grated across the back side of the bone above my eye. I could feel (and hear) it. He eventually succeeded in freeing the point and began enthusiastically tugging it through my upper eyelid. "There it is" he exclaimed, as the point and barb popped through, at which point he produced those tiny wire cutters and attempted to cut the hook point off.
"Doc, those things are never going to cut through that hook" I said, gasping for breath.
"They're all we got" he replied.
He struggled with his left hand, his right, then both. Sweat dripped from his brow and, I have to admit, he gave it a real try. "Call Brian in here" he told the attending nurse as he panted for breath. Brian was the strapping young lad that had guided me onto the torture, err... exam table. While not completely excited at having an orderly performing this procedure, I was pretty sure that it couldn't be any worse. It took Brian both hands and no small amount of effort, but the sharp "ping" of the cutters severing the hook was of great relief to me.
The doctor handily extracted the remains of the hook and then examined my eye. He placed a patch over it and instructed me to see an opthamologist as soon as possible. Me... I couldn't wait to leave that place. Our rescuers drove us back to the dock and wished us well. I slowly piloted my boat back to our campground (in the dark... with one eye) and hit the sack.
Sunday morning dawned bright and early. My girlfriend and I discussed our options. She wanted to head home, but I really wanted to get some more on-the-water time in. She relented and I headed down to the boat. As I sat there in the bright sun, waiting for her to arrive, my eye began to throb and the wisdom of her words sounded vastly better than mine. I agreed to head home. We loaded the boat on the trailer and broke camp. She was driving, and as we motored up the interstate I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my eye. I pulled down the visor and opened the vanity mirror. It was my contact lens! God knows where it had been hiding, but I was able to remove it from my eye, and on examination found a small hole in the very center of the lens. The hook point had hit the lens, glanced off and traveled upwards under the eyelid. Had I not been wearing contacts, I am certain I would have lost my right eye!
Monday morning, I made an emergency appointment with an opthamologist. He examined me and told me "It's too late now, but you should have been placed in a dark room with both eyes patched. Your iris was torn loose from the bottom of your eye." He gave me some very dark glasses and told me to avoid bright sunlight. "You were very lucky" he said. I had to wear the dark glasses, even indoors, for a week.
In retrospect, I
was very lucky. I still have good (correctable) vision and have suffered no ill effects. I always carry hook cutters now and they are capable of cutting any hook that I have... even the stoutest saltwater hooks.